Thursday, May 14, 2009

Those poor tortured souls...


I went out to eat last night with four girls. Before you start handing out the high-fives and the nudges and winks, they are just good friends. As we perused the menus, we were engaged in typical small talk like global economic forecasts, electrical wiring methods, cartoons, speed of the postal service, and why my cellphone provider is selective about who receives text messages from me. While we were sitting there looking over photographs of mouthwatering entrees, the girl to my right (don't want to mention names because that's a good way to get slapped) said to me that she was hungry, but not just any kind of hungry... MAN HUNGRY. I must say... That is one of the coolest things I've ever heard any girl say to me. Being a man, I can appreciate that kind of hunger, but her dilemma was that she is going to be in a wedding as a bride's maid and she wanted to fit in her dress. I wanted to tell her to do what a guy would and just get a bigger dress, but I thought it would be better to keep my yap shut to avoid the punching of my face that would inevitably follow. This scenario started me thinking ( I know... Me ... Thinking?) why do women put themselves through so much torture to beautify? Maybe cosmetics are the war paint of dating.

Just in case you lovely ladies didn't know, I will walk you through how I get ready to go out.
1) Shower
2) Shave face, if more than two days of growth
3) Brush teeth, put on deodorant
4) Get dressed ... trying to match colours as best as I can
5) Brush hair (sometimes I don't even do this)
6) Out the door

This usually takes as little as ten to as much as 30 minutes, and I do this while watching a television show and eating a sandwich. I can't imagine the kind of precision it takes to shave ones legs while in a shower with soap on the floor, without cutting a major artery or suffering a concussion. Then to blow dry and style your hair in a damp environment, avoiding electrocution and, with a steady hand apply make-up, which may include the use of a sharp eye liner pencil, with out putting out an eye. It also must be equally frustrating to go through outfit after outfit to find the appropriate garb for your evening activities with shoes to match. To me, a typical human male, these kind of rituals mystify me to no end. Honestly, if I had to do these things every time I wanted to go out and have a good time, I would probably give up and watch TV.

But my question is "why?" What's so special about us guys. I believe that women deserve as much from us guys, but rarely receive it. I try to look good when I go out, but today, I just put on my work clothes, ran my fingers through my hair and made sure my socks were matching before I left. Maybe I should worry more about how I look, but I cannot imagine caring as much as women do. I don't know if there is a definite answer out there, and it may not be about us guys, but feel free to let me know what you think. So to you girls out there, I appreciate all you do so that guys, like me, can look upon you. I just want to leave you with what my Dad told me. "Women are precious and should be treated as such, because if you don't, there is a father out there ready to kick your face in..." and we don't want that... right?

Thanks for the vent session...

1 comment:

Jacelle said...

hahahaha. First of all you need to give yourself a little more credit because you are actually very well dressed for a guy, but I really appreciate your appreciation for the torture we do to ourselves. You also forgot about the waxing, eyebrow plucking and heels.