Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Trailer Trash... or Treasure?

Greetings Websurfing aficionados! For some strange reason you have found yourselves here at my blog and for that, I apologize. I have just returned from school with a load of homework, a kitchen to clean and have spent the last hour watching nothing but movie trailers... I'm the kind of movie goer who hates missing the trailers at the beginning of a film.

Why would anyone bother to watch movie trailers with so many daunting tasks ahead of him? Because first off, homework is boring. Secondly, I find the anticipation you experience when you watch a movie to be much like that before a first date. You may be scratching your head and wondering what I am talking about, but think back to your first date and apply it to a movie.

You know what I mean right? It always starts out the same with the trailer. Seeing something interesting out of the corner of your eye. The flash of color and the compelling places you have always wanted to see. The movie intrigues you. This may apply to even movies your are publicly opposed to, but privately long to see and to know. The captivation you feel when you see mere glimpses of what may be hidden within it's depths. The excitement builds as you buy your ticket and are welcomed into the velvety depths of the theater. And then... BLAH BLAH BLAH, SNORE FEST, YOU GET NO ACTION, and then you are calling your friends the next day, telling them how much of a loser your Movie was and you warn your friends to stay away ( I'm looking at you M Night Shyamalan).

Watching a bad movie is like expecting a kiss at the door and getting a hearty handshake instead (which has happened by the way). But you will always have that magical wistful moment of what could have been before you actually saw The Green Lantern or Year One or Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'hoole or The Last Airbender.

Ultimately though, it's about personal preference. Let's face it, like people, the movies you love will always be one that touches you inside. Your friends will always wonder how you ever fell in love with a movie like MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING with it's strange accent, and nerdy main characters, but you will always see the intelligent, romantic, endearing and humorous movie that your construction buddies will never understand!

Check out trailers on the web if you don't believe me. Time to hit the books...

Thanks for the Vent Session...

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Apocalypse now?

So has anyone seen the judgement day billboards around town? Time to start editing those bucket lists, because in two days most people won't have time to climb Mt. Everest, See a U2 concert, swim with dolphins or fight Mike Tyson. Most guys bucket lists will probably be reduced to two things... Eat a steak and touch a boobie. I'm not really sure what method the Almighty will use to wipe us off the planet, but I would like to think it's going down Zombie Apocalypse Style. I think it will be the most exciting way to do it. So examine the picture below and determine your number... I would like to think that I am #5.

The only thing that I regret is that God would schedule the End of Days in the middle of my birthday "Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey," game. This is gonna be a fun filled birthday for me. So start stocking up on Shotguns and baseball bats, Watch some Shawn of the Dead and Zombieland for survival tips, and work on that bucket list.

Thanks for the Vent Session...

Monday, April 4, 2011


The other night, I was laying on my bed and my beloved fiancee decides it would be fun to start plucking my eyebrows. I did try to resist, but there was nothing I could do, without throwing her bodily off the bed. Eventually, with much crying and pleading... on my part I finally give in, and she starts the process of emasculating me via eyebrow tweezers. Each hair she pulls feels like a burning needle being shoved into my skull, all the while she comments on how wimpy I am because I am sobbing like a little girl who has just finished watching Ol' Yeller for the first time. Minutes pass, feeling like hours, while she happily hums a nameless tune and I am sure that I have passed out at least twice. She sports a self-satisfied grin as she announces triumphantly that she is done. While I gingerly touch the slightly swollen flesh, that use to be my eyebrows, she steps back to admire her handy work. And then I hear it... Possibly the worst thing a vulnerable individual could hear in my position.


I stop dead... And all I can can do is whisper one shaky word...


After a few minutes of assurances that " oh, it doesn't look bad," and outright refusals to retrieve a mirror, I finally wrestle one out of her death grip. She then frantically explains that she had gotten a little carried away and put a little too much "arch" in my left brow. I am shocked to find that my left brow looked like it was half an inch higher than my right. She then chooses that moment to announce, mid laugh, that she is going to let me walk around ... " looking suspicious". I blurt out that I look like I am slighty confused or bewildered. Eventually she stops laughing and wipes the tears from her eyes. And I endure another eternity of searing pain to achieve semitry on my face.

So if you see me on the street with a slightly surprised look on my face... It's the brows not me.

Thanks for the Vent Session...

Monday, February 14, 2011

First V Day...

Usually I have a tough time finding a subject to blog about because of the randomness of my thoughts, but today being Valentine's Day makes it easy...

I just wanted to post about my girl. This is our first Valentine's Day together and I thought I would make an abbreviated list of why I never stood a chance when I met her.

She is the world to me and is super special.
She attracts black dudes like a flower attracts bees.
She has the most beautiful eyes that I've ever seen.
She calls me out on all the stupid stuff I do.
She is bugged by the same things I am bugged about.
She is WICKED HOTT!!! (and yes, she warrants two "t"s)
She is also SUPER SUPER smart.
She makes my life worth living.
She makes me question my sanity sometimes.
She drives me crazy every time I see her, in a good way.
She didn't like me the first time she met me.
She tried on multiple occasions to hook me up with her friends.
She drives me crazy... sometimes
She is a Democrat, which is awesome in to find in Utah.
She finds me attractive, which is hard for me to wrap my head around.
She makes me miss her when she isn't around.
She is better than me.
She is a super graceful dancer.
She is in love with me.
She makes me want to be a better man for her...

I know this is a short list, but I don't want to sound too sappy on this V Day. I am lucky to have such a wonderful woman.

We recently started taking this intro to ballroom dance class and I gotta tell you that I love it. This is the kind of thing that she does for me. Makes me expand my horizons.

She is also a little offended that I think I can beat her at Jeopardy... I still think I can, but then again she is wicked smart... so it's really a tough call. She does beat me at Scrabble on a regular basis though.

She is the driving force behind everything good I do in my life and no words can express how much I love her. If all people in the world could find a person like this to share a life with, We would all be better off.

Happy Valentines Day to you my love and thanks for the Vent Session...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

It's decided... I AM STRONG LIKE BULL

For weeks I've been hearing about a change in the zodiac calender. I didn't really think anything about it until my little sister posted something on Facebook about how she is still a Cancer no matter what anyone says. So, finally, I decided to see what all the hullabaloo was about and found out a few... weird things.

Apparently, Minnesota is where the change in the Zodiac Charts took place...MINNESOTA? I always thought that their only contribution to society would be the NFL team the Vikings. I didn't realize that they were also the Astrological capitol of the world. It just seems kinda weird to me that one guy says that we need a new sign for horoscopes and everyone in the world just immediately agrees. I wonder if there is a group of astrologists out there that are trying to resist... you know like that fifth dentist who hates Trident gum. I can imagine them in a bunker somewhere in Texas going over star charts, plotting to overthrow the astrological regime in Minnesota.

The new sign is called Ophiuchus /O`phi*u"chus/ and it is delineated as a man holding a serpent in his hands. Kind of creepy sounding right, but then you look at the other signs that are scorpions, archers, creepy twins, and so on then it's not so bad. The dates for the new sign are Nov. 29 - Dec. 17.

The final little tidbit I discovered is that they changed the signs because of the shift in the Earth's axis, which I can get behind because it's science. So what does all this have to do with my title? For years I've been a "fence sitter" of signs. My birthday is was on a cusp between Taurus and Gemini not really a big deal, but It's kind of like being caught in the middle of the Montague v. Capulet astrologically. I was never able to pick a side, but with the new sign throwing a monkey wrench in the whole thing, I am now firmly in the Taurus camp... Go Montague.

Thanks for the vent session

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The BIggest Mistake of Her Life...

It's been a little while Internet...

A great many things have happened in my life since my last blog. The most important of which is that I got engaged. Crazy right? So I'm gonna tell you how it happened whether you're interested or not.

It's not really a romantic story, but it is kind of unconventional:

My younger brother was married the weekend before Thanksgiving and my girlfriend and I flew down to Long Beach for the wedding and decided to spend the week there for the holiday. The wedding was a very happy occasion for my family. So naturally, suddenly finding myself to be the only one of the boys in my family to be unmarried, I became the focus of matrimonial speculation. I hadn't planned on being engaged for a very long time, but jokes about a future wedding started to fly like snow in a blizzard.

My girlfriend and I are both 30 years old. In the Polynesian community, as well as the Mormon community, being unmarried at that age is unheard of. We might as well have been some kind of sideshow attraction for all the peculiar looks that we received, but we both felt there was really no big rush to get married... Fastfoward three days from my little brother's wedding...

My father and I are driving somewhere, I think it might have been back from the grocery store for the traditional Thanksgiving fare, and my Dad is STILL spewing jokes like they were going out of style. Then he asks me when we are gonna get married. I say "Let's go get a ring then..." and he promptly almost crashes the car. Needless to say I am very pleased by the reaction.

By the smile that split his face, you would have thought I told him that I was going to give him $100,000,000 in cash. He tells me that he is going to come home early from work, which is a miracle in it's own right, and we will go downtown to get a ring.

For those of you who don't know, Downtown Los Angles is a shopper's paradise and my girlfriend wanted to go shopping for a few things. So my entire family, which include Both my brothers and their wives, My teenage sister, My parents, my six year old niece and 17 month old nephew, jump in the car with my girlfriend and me and happily drive downtown. At this point my girlfriend has no idea that we were going ring shopping.

We arrive at the jewelery district. My girlfriend, who had also been assaulted with the marriage talks since my brother's wedding, was happy to leave the jewelery store when she saw that my dad was looking at rings and had a crazy twinkle in his eye. So my sister and my girlfriend go looking for earrings and I pretend to go look at watches. I find a ring but quickly realize that I don't know her ring size... so I call my sister. My sister being a teenager, hatches an elaborate plan to find out my girlfriends ring size... and to my surprise pulls it off. I buy the ring and we leave. It's at this moment that it dawns on me that I have no idea when I'm going to pop the question.

At about 11 p.m. that night, my girlfriend asks me if I can take her to the store for some medicine, so we hop in the car and start driving around. I decide to do it then, but have no plan on how to execute. So I start taking her on an impromptu tour of my old hangouts. I take her to one of my favorite spots in the city, a breakwater in the Long Beach Harbor. BREAKWATER: n. structures constructed on coasts as part of coastal defence or to protect an anchorage from the effects of weather and longshore drift. We reach the end and you can see the entire city... I am standing behind her with my arms around her as she is taking in the sight. And then I just pop the box open right in front of her face. The fact that she was speechless was astounding since she always has something to say.

She turns around slowly and I drop to a knee, landing it on a sharp rock, but I remain undeterred. All I say is I love you... Marry me... and wait. Let me tell you, the 10 seconds it took her to answer seemed like an eternity. She starts to cry and says yes. She will contest that I cried first. If I did, it was because of that sharp rock that I was kneeling on. And just like that... two people, who profess that they will never marry are engaged.

This is the short version of the story.

Thanks for the vent session...