Guy Code: bathroom etiquette...

As promised in the previous post, I am going to talk a little about the Guy Code starting with bathroom etiquette. This stems from conversations I've had with women about the phenomenon of going to the bathroom in groups. From what I've been told, women go to the bathroom together to continue conversing about whatever subject the were discussing previous to the restroom incursion. Let me tell you now that guys do NOT do this.

If you ever go to a stadium or any other venue with lots of patrons, you may notice that there is usually a long line in the Women's Room, but not the Men's Room. This is because the Men's Room is about efficiency. It is always expected that men will enter, use the facilities, wash and leave.

In the United States, when guys are on the way to a restroom, they could be talking about something that could concern the fate of the world, but once they cross the threshold of the restroom, generally ALL conversation ceases and usually does not resume until out of the restroom area. That means no talking to friends, lovers, or Jesus the Lord and Savior himself. Do Not make any unnecessary noise in a restroom because this may be taken as an attempt to communicate, but the occasional cough is okay.

Eye contact is strictly avoided by all parties. Do Not let your eyes wonder. A wondering eye may be interpreted as a sexual advance and is a good way to get your butt kicked. Also, when at a urinal, always stare strait ahead.

Most bathrooms will have multiple urinals... Always use the one furthest away from another man. If none are occupied, use the one closest to the door. If two are used, have at least one slot distance between you and the closest men. Avoid standing next to another man at a urinal at all costs. This may be interpreted as a sexual advance and may result in a subsequent face smashing.

Heaven forbid that you brush against another man below the waist. But if this happens, it is generally understood that is an accident and NEVER discussed. No apologies are offered and the the incident is not acknowledged in any way, shape or form.

Hopefully this will help you guys from other countries avoid a beat down in the ally behind the movie theater, and give you ladies a guideline to eliminate those long lines at the restroom. Ask any guy about these rules and he will tell you that this is what generally happens in your typical Men's Room.

Thanks for the vent session...